Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
