OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
