My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
