rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
