I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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