You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
