fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
