it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
soo... how was my night?
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