Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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