I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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