He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
