You smell like stripper and shame
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think my moral compass just broke
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
