i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
