Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
