pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
