She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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