I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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