Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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