It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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