why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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