There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
