Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
