She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
