What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
