i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
