Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You work out of a Hotel?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
