I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
