just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
