dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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