just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
