It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
