i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
