she smelled like a LAN party
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
