I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
