So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
