she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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