so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
