Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Congratulations! We have a period
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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