Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
