I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
high people should be assigned attendants
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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