I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
