a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize