Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
