dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
