The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
