we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
