It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ok first of all what the fuck
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
