He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I color on your dick again?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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