My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
