I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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