I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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