...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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