I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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