I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
