I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize