Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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