Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
