Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
