Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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