i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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