Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
