hotel room ftw
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize