How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
