I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
