worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
