Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
