When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
